This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
