Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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