he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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