When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
