can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
