No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
