I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
