Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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