HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
