I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
