Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
