I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
