i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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