And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
