My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
