my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
