I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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