Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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