I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
