2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
