sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry about my life...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
