I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize