Nicole vs. Life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
