batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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