Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
