Welp...herpes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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