her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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