yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
