just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
NoShamevember. You game?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
