I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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