Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
whose parrot is this?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
