I'm going to jail i love you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
