I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
