i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
