Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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