I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
