she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
