I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
