The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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