we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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