you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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