In the future we'll all be gay
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
