So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
