I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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