the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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