It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
