i jhust puked up my retainher.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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