Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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