Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ketchup is God's man juice
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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