mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
