I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
