I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
