Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
