That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
