At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
