"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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