My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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