Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
