it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
