I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
