The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
