Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
