I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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